What is it?
Tone policing is when a person (usually in a position of privilege) purposefully (or not) tries to silence others (usually marginalized people) by focussing on the tone of what is being said- rather than the actual content of the conversation.
Why is it harmful?
It is used to derail a conversation by trying to control the people participating and the conditions under which the conversation is occurring. Usually it is under the guise of telling people to be "civil."
Tone Policing is especially harmful because it tries to suppress the voices and outrage of marginalized people by trying to invalidate the anger they may feel in response to injustice or oppression. It makes that anger and passion secondary to preserving privileged peoples feeling and comfort.
How is is used in Education?:
I have seen this used in education numerous times. In one of my schools that was populated predominantly by white students- some intermediate students threw around the "n-word" frequently. A black student became very upset at this and was angry that the administrators weren't doing anything about it. A number of well-meaning teachers tried to talk to him and "calm him down," which only made the situation worse, as he became even more angry that he wasn't being listened to.
This student had a legitimate concern here. Hate speech was being used, he had to listen to it everyday, and when he became angry, the intervening adults focussed on his actions- not the actions that caused the anger in the first place. (Combined with this is racial profiling of Black male students and the "threat" that their anger could "lead to violence," which is a whole other post that needs to happen.) Asking the student to "calm down" did not diffuse the situation- it heightened it.
And with children, this is what tone policing does. It signals to them that their feelings of anger are invalid- and should be controlled. And this is wrong- BIPOC people are entitled to feelings of anger and frustration because of the oppression they feel everyday.
So, what would have been better?:
First, acknowledging the actions that lead to the anger the student is feeling is a start. Acknowledging that the students has the right to feel angry in that situation would help. Providing them a space where they can feel angry and express that anger would help. Listening to what the students says instead of how they say it would help. How can we as educators expect our students to speak about trauma, exploitation and oppression without strong emotions? We should not need our students to be gentle and calm in order to be heard or helped.
In Conclusion:
Tone policing hinges on the idea that emotion and reason can't coexist. It prioritizes the comfort of the privileged more than the lived experience of the marginalized by derailing the conversation and invalidating a person's argument because it isn't presented politely. It diverts attention away from the real problem that is being expressed by someone living through it, and centres the person of privilege in the conversation.
As Educators, what can we do?:
As educators we need to acknowledge the anger, frustration and fear of our BIPOC students, and empathize with their experiences. We need to provide space for them to express that anger without fear of retribution by administrators or the police. We need to be allies for our students and their anger. Their feelings are valid and understandable- not something to be silenced.
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